Brain

invisible to the naked eye yet shining like a neon sign inside of your brain.

It’s Crazy how a different environment can change everything.

The crazy things we create within ourselves that change everything.

The human brain is weird, it allows you to think that some people are better than you, cooler than you. Slowly the Things we think, no longer become thoughts but they become a way of life. A structure, routine. Creating an invisible ladder; with those who you admire, aspire to be and are even scared of. All at the top of the ladder. And we believe that if we dare to look up at those who are ‘above’ us then they will smite us with their godly powers.

But when you change the scenery those ‘divides’ that you create no longer exist;

But why… Why do we create barriers between ourselves and other people. It only prevents us from meeting and building friendships with some truly amazing people.

I recently discovered how many amazing, genuine, kind and funny people, that I was too ‘scared’ to talk to because I felt that they would ‘judge’ me, or laugh at me, call me weird. Yet once I lowered my defences and plucked up the courage to speak to them, I no longer felt as though I had to ‘act’ in order to ‘be normal’ I could just be me.
Caitlyn
Asperger’s syndrome no longer separated me from these incredible people.
I no longer felt like I had a huge arrow pointing at me labeled ‘Asperger’s syndrome stay away’

I felt so empowered, these people who may have only said hi or one person had told me how funny they thought an Instagram post was. This really made me feel amazing, they had taken time out of their party to speak to me ME.

Throughout my life I felt as though I was a nobody a nameless human, I had always been the person who had walked in the shadows of those who I’d wished to be friends with.

This experience taught me something very profound: There are so many great people out there, and hiding away because you feel you are not equal or that you don’t deserve to speak to them, is ridiculous. Be yourself, allow people to see how awesome you are!

This entry was inspired by some people who did the most natural thing known to humans. They spoke.

Can’t 

Can’t. 
I hate that word.

On average I hear that word at least five times a day. 

You know what I don’t understand is that some people believe that if you say ‘can’t’ to someone, then in that instant that person will never achieve their dream. In that instant their dream is over. 

People tell me daily that I can’t do that or that I’m stupid and that if they can’t do it then I most definitely cannot do it! 

You quickly learn who your friends are when you tell them what you hope to achieve or what your dreams are, and if their response is “you can’t do that” then you’re back to square one. 

For as long as I can remember someone has always told me I can’t do something.

Well you know what I CAN. 

They said that my Asperger’s syndrome would make life difficult and that I would not be able to achieve anything. 

They were right! Life is difficult but I’m not going to let that stop me from following my dream.

My dream since I was a child is to study medicine at Harvard university and to then study pathology and ultimately become a forensic pathologist. 

I know what you are thinking, I hear it all the time ” HARVARD? HARVARD? You? You will never get into Harvard!” 

That may be true I may never get into Harvard, but do you think that’s going to stop me from trying?

 No it is not.
Life is no walk in the park. 

Asperger’s syndrome is no walk in the park it’s more like climbing Everest. 
To the people who say “you can’t” and to those who think that people with Asperger’s Syndrome cannot and will not achieve anything in their lives. 

I hope you have a nice life. 
“If you believe, then you CAN achieve.” 

Friend

Friend.
What is a friend to you?
You would probably associate the word friends with people you have been surrounded with your entire life.
What would you think if I told you that I have never had someone to call a friend since this year.
You probably think that I am lying or I have something very wrong with me or maybe you think that I have missed out on a very normal and important part of life.
But not having friends is a perfectly normal thing for me, a 15 year old girl with Asperger’s syndrome.
Talking to another human being may be second nature to you, but for me it’s like a foreign language, you hear all of this noise but you are completely clueless as to what is being said.
I will set the scene for you, picture yourself walking up to someone and as you look at them you are met with a BLANK face, obviously it has a nose, mouth, eyes and ears but you are just looking at features, you can’t see weather they are happy or sad or weather they want to see you or not.
Difficult right?

Do you know what’s rare for someone like me?
It’s when you finally break through the barriers of making friends and you finally make one, and they don’t judge you or treat you differently, that’s rare but you know what I’ve finally found friends who treat me like caitlyn a human being and not the label that I was given.

All I want is to be accepted and treated like a human being.

I wish society would learn to accept people who do not fit in the ‘normal’ category.
I wish society would not be scared of change or of someone who is different.
I wish society wouldn’t be scared of different people and wouldn’t bully them to make themselves feel better.

Every single day I have to deal with society. But I am not going to waste my time talking about all of the things I have to deal with on a daily basis, instead I am going to tell you a quote that inspires me to be myself and to never let society win.

“The most beautiful people I think in this world are the ones that have that unique courage to be themselves. No matter what anyone says, no matter how many people laugh at or mock them, they continue to be themselves even if they are alone. They don’t change to get anyone to like them. They smile because they’re happy and content with themselves.”

15 and different 

My name is Caitlyn I am a 15 year old girl and I have Asperger’s syndrome.

You may be wondering what on earth Asperger’s syndrome  is. 

Is it some sort of disease? 

Can I catch it? 

My answer to that is no.

And the answer to the question you have all been waiting for…

What is Asperger’s syndrome?

When humans meet they make judgments about each other. People’s body language, facial expressions and tone of voice give out information regarding whether they are happy, sad, angry or in a hurry. How we respond depends on how we process these signals.

For a person with Asperger’s syndrome, reading these signals instinctively is more difficult. Consequently, i find it more difficult to communicate and interact with others.

Asperger’s syndrome differs from other ASDs in that the symptoms are less severe and there is no language delay. A child with Asperger’s syndrome generally has good language and cognitive (thinking, intelligence) skills. They tend to have average or above-average vocabularies and reach speech milestones at the same time as children in the general population. 

Did that clear up a few things? 

Do you want to know what really grinds my gears? The thing that really annoys me is when you finally pluck up the courage to tell someone that you have Asperger’s syndrome, and their response is either “I’m so sorry” or ” my brothers best friends cousins sister has autism and they are unable to speak and spend their life in a wheelchair, but you can speak and you can walk so your doctor must’ve diagnosed you wrong or you don’t have it that bad” 

Firstly why are you sorry? Are you sorry because I have it? The Last time I checked I didn’t have a “please pity me” sign stuck to my head. Also having Asperger’s syndrome is great because it separates me from others and it enables me to do some really cool things for example I am a member of a surfing group which only has people with Asperger’s syndrome in it and I can surf! something many of my friends can’t do! 

Secondly autism and Asperger’s syndrome is not the same ( the clue is in the name) 

Thirdly if you disagree with my diagnosis, I have my doctors phone number feel free to give him a call and challenge his expertise.

Fourthly you never tell someone with Asperger’s syndrome that they “don’t have it that bad” because unless you have it you will never know what it’s like.

What makes you different from someone without Asperger’s syndrome?

I will start with the basics, we all have 5 senses right? Well mine are a little different. 

Sight – bright lights and colours freak me out.

Touch – I do not like to be touched by other people unless I ask them to or they ask me, I have only just learnt how to hug people without freaking out but I’m working on it.

Taste – foods can taste funny.

Smell – my sense of smell is heightened so some faint smells can smell very strong. 

Sound – my ears are sensitive and loud or sudden noises freak me out and make me feel as if I am not in control.

I struggle with reading people’s facial expressions and I have trouble describing or even knowing how I am feeling, I don’t actually know what it feels like to be happy, I have an idea but I don’t actually know.

 I struggle with eye contact from a young age I have never been able to look someone in the eye, I don’t know what it is but there is something about eyes that scare me, I have learned how to look as if I am looking at someone in the eye and I do that by looking at their ears.

 I am very literal and I have a tendency to make a literal interpretation of what someone says for example I was tidying my bedroom and my mum asked me to get under my bed and make sure there wasn’t any lost socks or random pieces of paper. Any other person would have done what she asked, but not me! I decided that I had to get under my bed and wait for further instruction, 10 minutes later my mum came to see my progress and probably thought I was reenacting a scene from James Bond!

 Finally I am brutality honest, you would be surprised at how many friends I have lost after they have asked the classic “does my bum look big in this?” Whilst out shopping and I have replied with “I think the moon is smaller than your ass in those jeans!”.

Asperger’s syndrome is not a disease. It is a syndrome. A syndrome is a a collection of symptoms that occur together with a condition.

It is important to remember that everyone with Asperger’s syndrome is different, we are not exactly the same.